my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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