So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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