for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Are we still banned from the library?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
