I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
