Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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