I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
