my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
