I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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