i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
