they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
