clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
