And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
