yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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