remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
