Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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