No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
