I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
