i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
