you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
