in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
