Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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