Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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