It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
