i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
