Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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