I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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