They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
