Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
