I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
