I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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