It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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