***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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