I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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