i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
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You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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