i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
