dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's shark week go big or go home
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
