I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
