someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
