One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
