Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
