Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
