to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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