You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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