I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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