Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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