I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
