I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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