no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
