I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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