Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
