I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was like eating out sand paper
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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