So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
