By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
this is an emotional support booty call
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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