I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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