Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
