I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
