i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
