I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
