I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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