i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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