you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
