Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
