you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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