Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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