Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
