My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's like iHOP with fire
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
