instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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