It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
