Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
