it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
