I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
