So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
