FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
