I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
