I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
