4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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