I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
